Good morrow readers! You know, this blog has started taking over many other aspects of my life...I'm constantly thinking about what to write, snappy comments, and money making experiments I can try in the coming weeks. Such it was that I found myself awoken in the middle of last night, with a brilliant idea of something to write in today's entry. "Genius!," I said to myself, and I briefly thought of writing it down, but I was too tired.
Well, whatdoyaknow readers, when I woke up today I had completely forgotten my super hilarious idea. I was devastated. So, I'd like you all to do me a favor, sitting at your computers, reading this, please utter a little chuckle for the joke that never was, pour some laughter out for my homie.
Yesterday I was incredibly productive and spent almost no money. After coming home from work, I stopped in a neighborhood grocery store to pick up some things to make dinner. Okay, so maybe those things included a 4-pack of Dogfish Head's Punkin Ale. I know, this is kind of cheating, but I count alcohol (in moderation) as "groceries" and have you had Dogfish's Punkin Ale? It's friggin' delicious readers, okay? Okay. Although I will not be going back to that grocery store again, when I pointed out to the cashier that he had over-charged me for my beer and neglected to give me my $.37 in change, he just smiled at me creepily and said, "Noooo, eeees riiight." He had a grill readers, like a "smile for me daddy let me see yo grill" grill. I was terrified, so rather than stay there and argue, I simply got home as quickly as I could and tried to drink that image out of my head. It didn't work.
Anyhow, when I got home, I made dinner (enough for two nights), cleaned my kitchen, and then even made lunch to bring with me today. It was awesome, I was a cooking machine. Well, I shouldn't really get too high on myself, the dinner I made was cut up hot dogs in baked beans, otherwise known as the hillbilly classic "Frank and Beans". Yea, I made frank and beans, what of it readers? I came home, drank a beer, and ate the white-trashiest meal I could make from my pantry. I'm not ashamed, this is AMERICA, I'll do what I want.
After this self righteous and yummy meal, I settled in to watch the premiere of Suburgatory. I don't know if any of you watched it, but basically it's got Elton from Clueless and the pirate from Dodgeball, Cheryl Hines, and some random girl who the writers clearly thought would be Emma Stone. The premise is that Elton moves into the suburbs with his daughter, Emma Stone wannabe, after his girlfriend/wife/I-dunno-I-missed-the-first-3-minutes leaves them.
Shock of the century, Emma Stone wannabe does not like the suburbs! It's filled with a lot of pink and green, slutty girls, glamour moms, people who water their lawns every morning, and a ton of Sugar Free Red Bull. Okay, I do not know which suburbs these writers have been through, but I grew up in the 'burbs, people did not water their lawns daily, we didn't have a country club, and I certainly wasn't slutty (well, not outwardly so).
Also, if I could make a point about Sugar Free Redbull, it's not a suburban drink. It's the drink of sorority girls, crack whores, and weight-conscious skater boys. Oh, and me, I drink Sugar Free Red Bull all the time, it tastes like nothing and makes sure I don't fall asleep on the dance floor when I'm bustin' a move at 2 AM on a Saturday. However, DO NOT, I repeat, DO NOT mix Red Bull with vodka...it makes you do some crazy shiz, or maybe that's just me. But, all my friends know, if I order a Red Bull and vodka, it means I need to get drunk-and FAST.
Okay, so back to the show, would you believe it, at the end of the show, Emma Stone wannabe realizes that maybe some of the people in the suburbs aren't so bad, and might even be worthwhile human beings. Aww...how sweet, and yet demeaning to all of middle America at the same time.
In conclusion, the Emma Stone wannabe is pretty terrible, as accented by these overly dramatic voice-overs she does every once and awhile. "Oh my GOD, I couldn't BELIEVE I was HERE, in the SUBURBS, Did you know I am from NEW YORK? THIS IS A STRANGE NEW ENVIRONMENT FOR ME!" Oh the shenanigans. But, Cheryl Hines, Ana Gasteyer, the Huskaroo from Weeds, and Pirate Steve infuse the show with enough decent humor to keep the show plugging along. It might last if the writers stop being such out of touch judgy Mc-cliche-sters.
Did you know you were getting a TV review today? Sometimes I like to mix it up.