Happy Columbus Day y'all! Some of you may have off today, my G-chat list would indicate as much, it's looking a little sparse. I however, have my nose to the grindstone at work, celebrating the beginning of the centuries-long mistreatment of the American Indian the only way I know how, by blogging of course!
Well team, I promised an update post on my progress so far, and I am sorry to have to admit that this weekend did a little damage to my bank accounts. It's not my fault, readers, it was all so tempting, the movies, the karaoke bars, the mid-level restaurant chains, the brunches...oh good lord, the brunches. Please prepare yourself for the following stats:
Bank Account-$40.00 (payday this Friday)
Savings-$512.00 (an increase of about $6 since the last check-in)
Credit Card-$5,000.00 (a $500 increase...I know, I know)
Okay, so, I KNOW the credit card balance is bad, really bad, but allow me to explain. There are two major purchases that contribute to this balance. One is a trip to Boston (for which I admittedly overpaid, I don't know how KAYAK works apparently) and the other is a work expense for which I am getting reimbursed. The weekend itself was actually okay, I stuck to the SIA pretty intensely, with the exception of a couple food/drink purchases. All things considered, I'm only about $200 over where I was before, the above totals are misleading.
With that embarrassment out of the way, let's talk about this week, the first week of resolutions. My goal this week which will run from today through Sunday night is to eat all of my meals from home. No lunches or dinners out, no delivery, no exceptions regardless of the SIA rules. This includes alcohol (GASP!); meaning no social drinking whatsoever. I've picked a week where I shouldn't have too many temptations, I only have plans to be out 2 nights this week, and I think I can avoid dinners being involved. Plus, as Harmony will be out of town this weekend, as well as Hot Donna, there will be no football Sunday to trip me up. The weekend will be tricky, but dems da berries. It's only a week, right?
Now for something completely different. I'm sure you're all very curious whether or not I handed out any of my business cards to strangers this weekend. The answer is, well, not exactly. While I did place about 30 cards around the city...
...my escapades on Friday night involved a private karaoke room, so I didn't really have the opportunity to market to randos. Yea, I said private karaoke room, but those are all the details you're going to get friends, what happens in Muzette, stays in Muzette.
I did encounter one gentleman who I considered giving a card to, but he lost his privileges pretty rapidly. You see, after a long night of drinking and jiving, my friend Amelia Bedilia and I were in need of sustenance. We scoured the desert of 18th St. and eventually stumbled into a McDonald's. As I was waiting at the register to order my all white meat McNuggets, I noticed a person next to me in the most glorious purple plaid shirt I've ever seen. He was standing in front of an abandoned register asking to speak to the manager. Note: this is at roughly 2 AM. "Wow," I thought, "he must have great authority, I should give him a business card, he could take me places."
When the manager came around, the man asked why he was not being served. "Sir," the manager said, "this register has been closed for the past two hours, you'll need to wait in one of the other lines." Purple-plaid-shirt-man was less than thrilled with this response. "WHAT!" he shouted, "THIS IS TRULY OUTRAGEOUS!" Clearly this man was powerful, a young Donald Trump, I unzipped my wristlet to reach for one of my cards.
Amelia Bedilia was witnessing this scene and kindly offered to let purple-plaid-shirt-man order ahead of her in one of the other lines. "That's not the point!," he shouted, and turned back to the manager to inform him that he was a "shareholder".
A shareholder in McDonalds?! What a rare breed! There must be scarcely millions of those in the world! I couldn't get my cards out quickly enough.
At this point, the manager kindly asked this man, a shareholder in a glorious shirt, to leave his establishment. How dare he! While I laughed at the completely ludicrous nature of this request, I mean, who did this manager think he was, right? The purple-plaid-shirt-man mistook my exuberance as directed towards him. Whatever could've given him that idea?! As I reached forward to hand him the card, he threw his hands in the air and said "Enjoy your McDonald's, you fat b*tch!"
Oh readers, imagine my heartbreak. This clearly powerful man was going to take this blog to new heights, and now he hated me.
I don't really mind being called a b*tch in all honesty. Usually when people use that word they're directing it to a woman they feel threatened by because she's too assertive, or she won't give them what they want, and I'm happy to be a b*tch in that sense. But when you add "fat" to it, I just can't take it. I am the only person who has the right to call myself fat, and I do! After all, it's the truth, I'll admit it! But you sir, do not have that right, no matter how many shares in a low rate fast food company you have, and so...no card for you!
That night, my McNuggets tasted like self-respect and freedom.
Stay tuned for my post tomorrow, I'll update on my first day of no-meals/alcohol-out and pontificate on the two movies I saw this weekend, "Ides of March" and "What's Your Number?".